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An attractive blonde sitting at the receptionist’s desk looked up. She smiled at the officers and said, “Dr. Evans is waiting for you in her office.” Fulton led me away while Wilbourn stayed to chat with the blonde.The place was something of a maze. It was as if the exact layout hadn’t been decided on before construction began, and even after it was started, changes were made. We stopped at a door with Dr. Evans’ name printed on it. He knocked, a soft voice from inside said, “Come in,” and he opened the door.Fulton talked to Dr. Evans first. I stayed out in the hallway. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to talk to the doctor. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to do anything. I didn’t feel right. It was like something deep inside of me was missing. Rho stood next to me, watching me. It made no difference. Even if I collapsed, she couldn’t call for help.Fulton came out to the hallway and said, “Dr. Evans will see you.”I nodded and walked into the office. Fulton quietly closed the door behind. At 26, when my father passed, I started to finally accept some hard truths about myself, and after three years of self exploration and lots of money spent on therapy, I could finally say it, “I’m attracted to men.” It took a lot of courage to get those words out of my mouth, and it took even more to download the gay apps and start trying to put myself out there.I made sure I didn’t lie on my profiles, despite the fact that I think everyone else may have been: 29 years old, 6’3” tall, muscular frame(thanks to all the repressed sexual urges fueling my workouts), but the other categories I didn’t quite know how to fill out. What’s a tribe? Was I a bear, an otter? Sure I had hair, the same sandy blonde color that grew on top of my head, but what’s the difference between the two? Did I like leather? And when I thought about it, I could see myself really enjoy topping but maybe I was a bottom? And why did everything in the gay community need a label?At first I didn’t post any pictures on.
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